Monday, September 13, 2010
The best two places in my country
In my country, Seoul, Korea , there are lots of good place to sightseeing. And there are two places which you must visit, one is Myung-dong and the other is NamSan(Nam mountain). First Myung-dong is a big shopping town. Men and women of all ages can buy everything which they need and want. Especially when young people can buy things they want very easily. Besides the price of stuffs is not expensive and there are many discount shops. So you can go shopping with little concern about money. Next one is Nam -san. It is the most famous mountain in Korea. Becuase you can see the view of seoul at the top. Also there is Namsan tower at the top of mountain. In the tower you can go great restaurent as well as see the view. And there is a cable car which go to the top so you don't have to worry about climbing the mountain.
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Hi,Jinyoung. I noticed some points.
ReplyDelete2sentence: →must visit.One is ~
3sentence:buy everything which →buy anything they want~
I can't understand the sentence "Especially,~~"(>_<)
Hi Jinyoung.
ReplyDeleteHere are my suggestions to your paragraph:
1st sentence:
country -> city
2nd sentence:
I think we can’t start a sentence with “and”.
5th sentence:
I didn’t understand what you meant.
8th and 9th sentence:
I think it could be only one sentence
10th sentence:
“... you can go to great restaurants...”
Hi Jinyoung
ReplyDeleteHere are my notes:
Sentences one: Mistake Type 9. ."And there are" --> I think, you have to delete "and" because doesn´t have sence.
Sentences seven: Mistake Type Two: "famous mountain in korea. Because..." --> I think is more correct famous montain in korea, because ...."
Sentences 7: Also there is ... for in addition.
See you Good luck
Hello, Jinyoung:
ReplyDeleteGood paragraph. But if you could make some change to your paragraph, it would be better. Here are my suggestion:
1. "Especially when young people can buy things they want very easily", this is a dependent clause, which should be subordinated to an independent clause.
2. "Besides the price of...", "Besides, the price of ...."
3. "Becuase you can see the view of seoul at the top", it is a dependent clause.